Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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