dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
