I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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