peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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