i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
