so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
