we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
only if we run a train.
done.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize