Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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