If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
