If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
