p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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