tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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