So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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