I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
