Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
