I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
