I got chris browned last night
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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