If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
