It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
