she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
