you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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