Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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