If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
