I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
