While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
