I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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