we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
