Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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