if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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