i already hear my dad disowning me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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