Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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