She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
