I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize