I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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