physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
