Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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