this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
