Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
