Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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