Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
