He told me they were just razor bumps!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize