This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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