You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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