I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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