My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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