I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
