He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
