I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
