These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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