Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
