I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
