I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
