im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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