JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
