On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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