dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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