Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
