I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize