If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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