He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
