if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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