sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
