i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
