My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
