dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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