kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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