His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
