Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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