Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
