he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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