i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
