And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think my moral compass just broke
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
