Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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