I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize